Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Special Agent FIFI

It’s about 12noon, and the residents and workers of Boyle street Onikan Lagos, were glad they had generators in their offices and so couldn’t feel the heat of the midday sun, and so with the aid of a mechanical contraption, they didn’t have to sweat excessively.

Although in the past few weeks, the nations provider of that very scarce commodity—‘electricity’ had provided epileptic service but with sudden bursts of shocking long hours, (we suspect they may have fallen asleep or had been bribed at these moments) we hear they have gone on summer vacation to the Bahamas or some exotic Island where they will no doubt enjoy the fruits of their labour (I mean all the monies from connecting back lines has to be spent someday).

So on this hot day about 12pm, (we have mentioned this haven’t we) our top agent that female of incomparable beauty, that genius whom Einstein would have envied, that defender of the masses, that upholder of justice, that deep thinker of thoughts unknown; agent 90210 aka Fifi, was out on a secret mission.

On her way to this very important mission, she was called to spy on bags which a seller from Iraq had just brought into the country. These bags had the potential to hide shoulder held blast guns (whatever those might be).
Suddenly Fifi spots some men in pinkish-purplish shirts and black trousers walking about and deflating tyres, and just when they were about to walk up to her mini parakeet aka the fifi van, she gives the stance of peace and goes into fight mode.

Yes I know you’re probably wondering what this is all about yeh!

So it’s about 12noon on Boyle street Onikan and men of the task force in purple and black trousers are seen with a tow truck lurking around with a bunch of policemen for support. Soon they form two groups and from both sides of the street they begin to deflate tyres.

I’m wondering what’s going on when a policeman walks up to the car I’m leaning on and asks that it be removed. Soon the word goes round and people begin to leave their offices to find out what exactly is going on. In less than 5 minutes there’s confusion when car owners realise their tyres have been deflated and for what; tax hadn’t been paid for the car park.

Now was this a proper car park, nope it was just space which had been converted into a parking lot because there wasn’t enough parking space in the various buildings along the street. Was it obstructing traffic? Nope it was well away from the road.

So before I could blink a whole bunch of lawyers were out on the street screaming blue murder (you bet these revenue collectors/tax invaders/thieves in uniform didn’t know they would be dealing with a whole bunch of people who would be quoting and counter quoting).

Well I loved every bit of the scene as it unfolded from the punch throwing to the screaming to the tax collectors realizing they had just backed up the wrong alley. It’s amazing how Nigerians will suddenly all become human right activists when a bunch of them are together and they are been victimised.

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