Friday, August 19, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Her Royal Crankiness
Its about that time of the month again; the familiar irritation, slight frown and dark mood has set in. Funny isn't it that's what heralds the presence of the red robots. For some women, its preceded by cramps, for others an outbreak of pimples. Other symptoms include: soreness of the breasts, throwing up and that utter scary disbelief you might be preggy especially when you think you've been careful.
When I was younger, and oh so innocent it was a one or two hour tummy ache. That was all and panadol when it was nice and plain not the variants we have now, worked wonders. So maybe its age induced or the fact that because I've taken medical precautions to ensure a tumble in the hay doesn't result in another 9 month swelling, thereby translating into another grinning till your face aches bundle of JOY. Three bundles turned loving Monsters is enough thank you. So maybe that's what's happening to me the mild irritation knowing I don't have to mark my calender, I'm not bothered if I'm late...not that I know when I am. So I must see these monthly visitors as an intrusion isn't it...amazing what we humans come to think as buggers.
In secondary school my best friend and bunk-mate, absolutely loved her monthly, counted the days to it and was just abnormally excited when it came. I'd stare at her just wondering what she found delightful about the next couple of days while her Nile flowed. I only experienced that Joy when I was at that stage when missing it spelt being sent out of home to sleep under the bridge, but then we wisened up I think.
Its here again, it hasn't been heralded by cramps or little droplets which escape unattended to, its been noticed because my mood has changed and then I remember...Oh its here again, that slight inconvenience I often wonder just why we were chosen to be stuck with...why wasn't it something else? But then we cant question these deep time unchanging facts can we? Thankfully this compulsory visitor is just here for two moons and a quarter and then my mood improves eventually.
When I was younger, and oh so innocent it was a one or two hour tummy ache. That was all and panadol when it was nice and plain not the variants we have now, worked wonders. So maybe its age induced or the fact that because I've taken medical precautions to ensure a tumble in the hay doesn't result in another 9 month swelling, thereby translating into another grinning till your face aches bundle of JOY. Three bundles turned loving Monsters is enough thank you. So maybe that's what's happening to me the mild irritation knowing I don't have to mark my calender, I'm not bothered if I'm late...not that I know when I am. So I must see these monthly visitors as an intrusion isn't it...amazing what we humans come to think as buggers.
In secondary school my best friend and bunk-mate, absolutely loved her monthly, counted the days to it and was just abnormally excited when it came. I'd stare at her just wondering what she found delightful about the next couple of days while her Nile flowed. I only experienced that Joy when I was at that stage when missing it spelt being sent out of home to sleep under the bridge, but then we wisened up I think.
Its here again, it hasn't been heralded by cramps or little droplets which escape unattended to, its been noticed because my mood has changed and then I remember...Oh its here again, that slight inconvenience I often wonder just why we were chosen to be stuck with...why wasn't it something else? But then we cant question these deep time unchanging facts can we? Thankfully this compulsory visitor is just here for two moons and a quarter and then my mood improves eventually.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Politics and Intrigues
I recently became the Assistant Secretary General for my school Alumni, for one who had always worked on one committee or the other and has always been active, the politics and intrigues I have witnessed in the last one month is intriguing.
I will use you dear blog to let off steam, become refreshed and then go back to work.
This all started with a court injunction from a particular set. Ha! an injunction...what could they possibly hope to gain from it? Three months after the injunction we get new executives sworn in, well only one position had to be voted for--mine--so I won.
The President despite my initial fear is totally committed to the Alumni but we see factions in form of Chapters begin to bicker, issues spring up, some are resolved. some simply let go. Then comes the financial play that must have been manipulated before and had popped up again.
The financial report is written and mailed. I read mine two days after its sent. First thing that jumps out is a N100,000 overcharge...where is it? And for crying out loud why did I have to notice...
I finally get angry yesterday...Mr Know it All keeps posting stuff I had been ignoring the last one...well that was it for...I was livid...and humbly sent my reply, like he humbly stated he posted his.
I hope Ive coded this well enough and if I haven't...well Dear Blog its just You and Me.
I will use you dear blog to let off steam, become refreshed and then go back to work.
This all started with a court injunction from a particular set. Ha! an injunction...what could they possibly hope to gain from it? Three months after the injunction we get new executives sworn in, well only one position had to be voted for--mine--so I won.
The President despite my initial fear is totally committed to the Alumni but we see factions in form of Chapters begin to bicker, issues spring up, some are resolved. some simply let go. Then comes the financial play that must have been manipulated before and had popped up again.
The financial report is written and mailed. I read mine two days after its sent. First thing that jumps out is a N100,000 overcharge...where is it? And for crying out loud why did I have to notice...
I finally get angry yesterday...Mr Know it All keeps posting stuff I had been ignoring the last one...well that was it for...I was livid...and humbly sent my reply, like he humbly stated he posted his.
I hope Ive coded this well enough and if I haven't...well Dear Blog its just You and Me.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The Epistle of Speech
I've always thought of the art of speech...the decorum that's attached to it and the assumption at one point in time in my life that it was an innate skill that was inborn.
Scene 1: The Angry Woman I had always known
An angry woman who has been angered in public and at that moment has to express herself, is seen to wear the mask of anger, is heard to raise her voice, will sometimes spew obscenities or sometimes her language would be coolly abusive, but most importantly, her mouth neither opens to wide nor too far and her voice modulation even while she raises her voice or even begins to shout is deemed acceptable to the rules guiding speech behavioural etiquette.
This had always been the norm in my existence until;
Scene 2: The Angry Woman I began to notice
A bus full of passengers suddenly has a flat or a mechanical problem. The bus stops on the side of the road. The conductor jumps down and does a disappearing act for 30 minutes (for the known fact he might be lynched lets say 10 minutes). While he was gone to God knows where, several other buses going to the same destination drive by, some empty, some with enough space for two or three passengers. He appears again out of the blues ready to give a refund but will give less than what they should get back.
A woman backing a baby becomes the advocate, the voice of the people, the defender of the poor and trampled. Her face takes a mild ugly twist which becomes uglier the angrier she gets and the faster her words jerk out from her. Then its not just the twist of her face that grabs my attention, its the fact her mouth has become wider and opens up further with each angry word as if this effect passes across the message faster. How the mouth suddenly becomes a widening gore is simply amazing.
Its an ugly sight to behold this disfigurement, which I hope is only tied to an expression of anger... I've seen it more often since the first time I discovered its existence and it never ceases to amaze me, just how far the mouth will open as it delivers speech.
Scene 1: The Angry Woman I had always known
An angry woman who has been angered in public and at that moment has to express herself, is seen to wear the mask of anger, is heard to raise her voice, will sometimes spew obscenities or sometimes her language would be coolly abusive, but most importantly, her mouth neither opens to wide nor too far and her voice modulation even while she raises her voice or even begins to shout is deemed acceptable to the rules guiding speech behavioural etiquette.
This had always been the norm in my existence until;
Scene 2: The Angry Woman I began to notice
A bus full of passengers suddenly has a flat or a mechanical problem. The bus stops on the side of the road. The conductor jumps down and does a disappearing act for 30 minutes (for the known fact he might be lynched lets say 10 minutes). While he was gone to God knows where, several other buses going to the same destination drive by, some empty, some with enough space for two or three passengers. He appears again out of the blues ready to give a refund but will give less than what they should get back.
A woman backing a baby becomes the advocate, the voice of the people, the defender of the poor and trampled. Her face takes a mild ugly twist which becomes uglier the angrier she gets and the faster her words jerk out from her. Then its not just the twist of her face that grabs my attention, its the fact her mouth has become wider and opens up further with each angry word as if this effect passes across the message faster. How the mouth suddenly becomes a widening gore is simply amazing.
Its an ugly sight to behold this disfigurement, which I hope is only tied to an expression of anger... I've seen it more often since the first time I discovered its existence and it never ceases to amaze me, just how far the mouth will open as it delivers speech.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
And There was Light...
Its 4pm and good ol PHCN pulls down the great bog lever or maybe its the huge red power button and there we have it...Electricity. I think its going to be the same as the day before and we'll have power till about 12 midnight and then none till 4pm again.
That's what we Nigerians begin to do...getting to know the pattern in power generation. So its a good evening when suddenly its at 9pm and I think...*there we go another change* 5 mins later its restored and I can only be thankful.
12am I'm awake to look in on the girls and we still have light. Its 3am I wake up again because my son's asking for water and amazingly we STILL have Light. I go back to sleep thinking this is just a fluke and they're most likely making up for the 5 min break *yeah right* or maybe the technician was just too tired to pull the lever or press the button. Either way we still has light.
Its 5am and I'm awake again this time my day is about to begin and there's still LIGHT...Ha at this point wonders shall never end Bills were brought the day before so its not the *We Give, We Bring and Take Again Routine*. We've hit 12 hours and counting now something is definitely fishy, it might go at any moment.
So I hurriedly try to get things done while its still on. I boil the first 2 kettles of water for the children's bath and there's still light. I put their oats to boil and there's still light, I boil a 3rd kettle for the flask...my younger daughter while reaching out for the flask thinking to lighten her oat gets it broken...*that flask was older than she is and she'll be 6. I boil a 4th kettle to steep 2 bags of Green Tea, I top it up and a 5th is boiled for the back of flask *which is even older than the first*.
All through this power is still on. Then it suddenly hits me I could take a risk...wash my hair and get it dried...I do that in 5mins thinking it would go off at any moment. The hair dryer is set to the highest my scalp tingles as the heat burns...my hair is getting dry and there is still light. Its virtually dry and then I think to take another risk...having the girls hair oiled and dried too. I proceed quickly and I'm done in about 10mins and....Yes there's still light.
Then I think to my self...not what a wonderful world...but I could actually dry out the little drops still left in my hair. I get away with that too. Then I begin to feel uncomfortable...well i'd been uncomfortable long since 16 hours of electricity...PHCN had broken a record but then I think of what else to do...and just when I do get up...it disappears without a warning *like it ever does*.
Now I'm wondering what we'll have to pay in exchange for such generosity
That's what we Nigerians begin to do...getting to know the pattern in power generation. So its a good evening when suddenly its at 9pm and I think...*there we go another change* 5 mins later its restored and I can only be thankful.
12am I'm awake to look in on the girls and we still have light. Its 3am I wake up again because my son's asking for water and amazingly we STILL have Light. I go back to sleep thinking this is just a fluke and they're most likely making up for the 5 min break *yeah right* or maybe the technician was just too tired to pull the lever or press the button. Either way we still has light.
Its 5am and I'm awake again this time my day is about to begin and there's still LIGHT...Ha at this point wonders shall never end Bills were brought the day before so its not the *We Give, We Bring and Take Again Routine*. We've hit 12 hours and counting now something is definitely fishy, it might go at any moment.
So I hurriedly try to get things done while its still on. I boil the first 2 kettles of water for the children's bath and there's still light. I put their oats to boil and there's still light, I boil a 3rd kettle for the flask...my younger daughter while reaching out for the flask thinking to lighten her oat gets it broken...*that flask was older than she is and she'll be 6. I boil a 4th kettle to steep 2 bags of Green Tea, I top it up and a 5th is boiled for the back of flask *which is even older than the first*.
All through this power is still on. Then it suddenly hits me I could take a risk...wash my hair and get it dried...I do that in 5mins thinking it would go off at any moment. The hair dryer is set to the highest my scalp tingles as the heat burns...my hair is getting dry and there is still light. Its virtually dry and then I think to take another risk...having the girls hair oiled and dried too. I proceed quickly and I'm done in about 10mins and....Yes there's still light.
Then I think to my self...not what a wonderful world...but I could actually dry out the little drops still left in my hair. I get away with that too. Then I begin to feel uncomfortable...well i'd been uncomfortable long since 16 hours of electricity...PHCN had broken a record but then I think of what else to do...and just when I do get up...it disappears without a warning *like it ever does*.
Now I'm wondering what we'll have to pay in exchange for such generosity
Saturday, February 12, 2011
At Long Last...
Today my older daughter who is 8 finally finished reading her first book, titled Ellie and the Cat by Malorie Blackman. It was celebrated with such pomp and pageantry, anybody would think I had won the lottery the way I whooped when she was done.
Core reason, it had taken her 365 days and counting, many threats, wicked stares, several speeches on the downside of becoming a BLOND to finish reading a 93 page book.
A prayer was said at the end of the celebration one that hopefully expressed that this would be the beginning of her reading more books in shorter time and the fervent desire that she would choose books over television at all times just like me.
Halleluyah...Amen
Core reason, it had taken her 365 days and counting, many threats, wicked stares, several speeches on the downside of becoming a BLOND to finish reading a 93 page book.
A prayer was said at the end of the celebration one that hopefully expressed that this would be the beginning of her reading more books in shorter time and the fervent desire that she would choose books over television at all times just like me.
Halleluyah...Amen
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tooth Fairies and the Tradition continues
2 decades have gone by and I now have children of my own, the world has changed since I was 10 and my children are not exactly like I was at their age. Sadly they are more open eyed and are intuned to fact from fiction and things that just don’t add up.
It started with me trying to keep tradition; Santa sneaking in gifts through the door instead of the chimney and the tooth fairy leaving her monetary gifts behind too. Santa was debunked by the time they were 4. He came to be known by different names—all of the members of my family. By the time the eldest child was 8, they had learnt to gather their meagre savings, send a verbal list of things they wanted to their aunt. Of course, savings and gifts wanted never added up, but did they care, they knew Santa came in different shades and sizes with different pocket sizes to go with it.
Before I totally loose track, lets go back to the very beginning. The children were introduced to tooth fairies immediately they lost their first tooth and tradition continued. Of course this process started with the first child who strengthened the belief with the 2nd child who should do the same for the 3rd and so on. But the first at 5 believes tooth fairies should be introduced to all children and so when a friend of hers in school looses her tooth, even though it was a day late before she knew about it, she told her friend about the tooth fairy. The girl of course deciding that if my daughter got monetary gifts for losing her tooth then she could too puts her tooth under the pillow. Next day the report was tooth still there, then the questions begin to trickle in.
At that point damage control wasn’t so difficult, the tooth fairy had rules and if there were not followed through, nothing came forth. There was this one time the tooth fairy almost became broke, 3 teeth popped out 3 days in a row and unlike when I was young and we got N1 notes for this generation of children it was N50. On the 3rd day, the tooth fairy weary from flying out to the same home, to the same pillow for 2 consecutive days overslept. A tear storm soon ensued since it was a model tooth too and quickly damage control took over. Immediately she left the room, the tooth fairy flew in and threw what she could find under the pillow quickly. Then it was loudly announced the tooth fairy was sure to have come around breaking her rule of coming around at night, but it was possible it could have happened. To our surprise, she did come around but left only N20...totally unbelievable but maybe she was broke. That explanation didn’t settle in exactly the way it should have.
My second daughter was even more difficult her first tooth and the usual visit from the tooth fairy went well, but the 2nd tooth was sigh such an adventure. Her tooth didn’t exactly pop you see it came out when she fell although it was loose already but alas we weren’t sure if the tooth fairy would come to visit or not and this got her worried.
So as usual, under the pillow it went or so I thought. That night the tooth fairy must have either over slept again or was extremely busy since nothing was left behind...but there was a twist, the tooth was held tightly in her fist all night because she wanted to see the fairy when she came. Ah children!!! Well the fairy obviously must have visited but saw what the little girl did and decided to come back later.
To break the camels back, this must have been done to put me in a tight spot, the girls tell their lesson teacher about the tooth fairy and he in turn asks me in front of them if it was true or a story I made up. I look at him in disbelief wondering what he expected I should say, so I defend tradition and say...Yes the tooth fairy exists and she always will till the kids are old enough to let her go.
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